


Revelation 1:7

by Lonov



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Insomnia, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1906878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonov/pseuds/Lonov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Truthfully, much of Simon's religious time lately was dedicated to Kieren. Simon passed it off as his need for Kieren to see himself, in all his beauty, the way everyone else did. But never before had he been quite so fixated on one thing."</p><p>Simon admits to Kieren at the end of 2x2 that Amy told him what happened between him and the Macys. The audience doesn't get to see Amy telling Simon that, but this is how I imagine the conversation went.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelation 1:7

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and self-harm.

Simon has had trouble falling asleep since his resurrection. Chronic sleep-onset insomnia, his doctors called it, not that Dr. Victor or Dr. Westen had worried very much; they lauded it as further proof that their medication worked to restore his braincells, and ignored his early requests that something be done to change it. Eventually Simon stopped asking for help and accepted it as his due.

In his first life sleepless nights were those spent awake mourning his meaningless existence. Towards the end he had none at all, because the drugs he took either knocked him out through them or kept him awake for days.

This changed after the Rising. Now Simon considered his insomnia to be the part of himself that enabled such a spiritual connection. In the dead hours of the night, when the only noises were hushed secrets and rats crawling through the walls, it was as if every thought were a prayer. With no one to talk to except God, Simon came to appreciate the time he spent lying awake—under blankets he didn't need for warmth but covered himself with, anyway, because he liked that feeling of safety more than he would admit—as his time his for spiritual release. Late at night he churned Biblical phrases and the Prophet's preachings over in his head, and practiced sermons he would give to his followers the next day.

It was a powerful time for him, and he took each thought he had when the land was dark as a sign from God of where he should concentrate his attention during the day.

So he was rightfully concerned when the only thoughts passing through his head at night were about Kieren Walker and the jagged scar down his forearm.

Truthfully, much of Simon's religious time lately was dedicated to Kieren. Simon passed it off as his need for Kieren to see himself, in all his beauty, the way everyone else did. It wasn't rare, either, for Simon to worship the people he was attracted to like a bug to a lightbulb.

But never before had Simon been quite so fixated on one thing. Since he'd first noticed the scar that night at the pub, when Kieren's sleeves were raised as he scrubbed their table, he couldn't get the image out of his mind.

In the next room Amy was still awake, sitting on her bed under blankets of her own, listening to the Prophet's latest sermon on her laptop. She looked up when Simon knocked on her open door and smiled broadly, but her lips turned downward when she saw his expression. The Prophet's familiar computerized voice was the only sound in the room until she snapped her laptop closed.

"What is it, Mr. Disciple?" she asked. "The Living got you down?"

"Not this time," Simon said quietly. He watched her for a long moment before he finally asked, "Amy, how did Kieren die?"

She paused for a moment, and then slowly placed the laptop on her bedside table. Even through the dimly lit room, Simon could see sadness in her pearly eyes. She patted the covers on her bed and gestured for Simon to sit beside her.

"Well he doesn't like to talk about it," she said calmy, reaching her hand up to brush it through Simon's hair. "But from what I can gather, he was in love with a boy from around here, named Rick," she said his name with caustic disdain, "and when he got himself blown up in Afghanistan... Kieren didn't know how to go on."

It made sense. Of all the theories Simon had come up with to solve the mystery of how Kieren had died, this made the most sense.

He was a martyr for love.

"Why're you asking?"

"Saw his arms today." He gestured to his own wrists. "Wondered about it."

Amy nodded, understanding. "He's too good for this world. We need him here, but he deserves better. He deserves much better than _Rick_."

"You've never even met him and you hate him so much," Simon said, slightly amused and full of appreciation for Amy. It seemed she had nothing for contempt for this boy, and Simon couldn't help but agree with her. Anyone who would hurt Kieren so devastatingly was a fool. Still, Simon couldn't hide his relief that Kieren was actually attracted to men, because he'd been with enough men and women in his first life to know that what he felt for Kieren was paramount.

After Simon's repeated attempts to get Kieren's attention had gone ignored, he'd been starting to worry that perhaps his sense was wrong, and Kieren wasn't interested in men. Now all he had to do was hope Kieren was interested in him.

"I have met him," Amy corrected, and her voice drew Simon back into their conversation. "He came back, he was like us for a while, but he tried harder than Kieren does to fit in, and he treated Kieren like a _friend_. His best friend, he said, but he could barely look him in the eye." She sighed. "He died. Again. His father killed him because he refused to kill Kieren. Kieren was devestated, of course. I can't imagine burying someone twice. You think you get him back, and just as soon you're lowering him into the ground again."

Simon said nothing, just watched her with sharp eyes and processed the story. His mind worked over the hardships Kieren had been through and the way they translated into who he was now, avoidant of confrontation but adament in his beliefs. It made sense that Kieren wanted to fit in so desperately, since apparently whenever something unusual happened in Roarton, people died. And Kieren loved so fully, and so firecely, that he couldn't bare to hurt anyone else.

Simon wondered what it would be like to fall in love with someone who has already died for it once.

He thought of how his own despair for Kieren's sake was reflected in Amy's face; of the way Kieren talked about his family, and how his suicide must have shrouded them in pain; of how Rick gave his life for Kieren's second one.

An old quote scratched at the back of his mind. He opened his lips to whisper it.

"'And all the people on earth will weep because of Him.'"

"What's that?" Amy asked.

"Revelation 1:7," Simon murmured.

"Oh, my little priest," she teased. "You ought to go to bed now, you know. We may not need to eat but we can't forget all our humanly duties."

Simon's mouth raised in a half-smile and he wished her a goodnight.

But he lay awake for hours mulling over his new information, and by the time the dawn was breaking outside his window his thoughts were still centered around that same boy.


End file.
